Hope

Breakfast with the horses

After my episode of finding out I had to wait another week to return to work a mentor of mine suggested Eli and I get away for the weekend. At first I took it as a nice thought but knew it would be tough to find a low key destination that was not too far away from home (I was still recovering and didn’t want to be too far from my doctors). Not to mention it would have to accept two large dogs which required a place to play and run. Fortunately, I have not become too lazy for a google search and found the Barking Fox Farm in western South Carolina. It is a 40 acre horse farm with two gorgeous guesthouses amidst the beautiful horse pasture. The owners had been frequent travelers and always sought lodging that would accept their great dane so they now run the most dog friendly bed & breakfast around. Planning the trip was the first time I had looked forward to something in a while. It was a small victory against the battle of indifference. Aside from my breakdowns nothing seemed to excite me or upset me and this felt like a breakthrough. Eli was on board right away, I think he knew getting out of the house would be good for us both.  I have been overwhelmed with gratitude from all the beautiful bouquets, uplifting cards, messages, emails and prayer support we have received from our loving friends and family. It was special because it honestly felt like this was a gift from our Father God.

The majority of my time was spent on the porch. We had a covered porch overlooking the pasture and the horses would come say hello every morning. It was so peaceful looking out on the rolling hills taking in God’s creation. Our first morning there as I was reading through Romans I read this passage with a whole new perspective. It felt like I was reading it for the first time.

“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Romans 5:3-5

I was filled with hope, believing and trusting that God has a plan for our family and my desire to be a mom would be fulfilled one day. I also understood that no matter the situation or battle I am facing God is on the throne worthy to be praised.  The sadness is still with me but I have hope believing and trusting God with all my heart.

Our little trip was so relaxing and restored us both. Eli’s favorite parts were driving through the mountains, running the pasture with the pups, and his three and half hour nap Saturday afternoon. Chase loved getting to know the horses and they loved him. We could leave him off the leash and he would politely sniff their noses without spooking them.  If Riley could talk I am sure she would say her favorite part was chasing after the deer and romping around in the creek. My favorite part was breakfast on the porch and reading all day Saturday. Normally I would rather go for a run, watch a movie, or do pretty much anything before reading for “fun” but exercise was out of the question and I was pretty burnt out on television so I packed a book. To Eli’s and my surprise I read all Saturday afternoon and enjoyed every minute of it. Being home the last couple days has been a little rough. It’s almost like readjusting to reality and accepting that I really did have a miscarriage but I can honestly say I am feeling hopeful and looking forward to what’s next.



 

View from the porch

Chase making friends

Eli and Riley rocking on the porch